Anger is nothing new in the human condition. Increasingly, public displays of rage are commonplace, whether they are directed at public officials, institutions, or on a more personal level between motorists or family members. Whether this anger is expressed in person or online, much of the anger that we witness can typically be described as ugly and destructive. This is why anger management tips can be helpful.

Seeing the ugly side of anger can put you off. For some people, the solution is to keep their anger under wraps and never show their irritation or frustration. This strategy only goes so far, and it’s not healthy in the long run.

When anger is expressed healthily, it is a night and day difference from what unhealthy anger looks like. Healthy expressions of anger exist – it’s just that since our society is awash with examples of unhealthy anger, the healthy sort is nearly invisible.

There are various ways of dealing with anger, some of which are healthy and lifegiving, while others feed into a pathology around anger that undermines personal well-being and relationships. Being able to handle anger well is a vital life skill, and this article will try and show some of the best ways to handle anger for a healthier life.

Anger management tips

Value its role in your life

Each person will relate to anger differently. Some may have had raw, traumatizing experiences that centered on expressions of anger from a loved one. Others may feel overwhelmed by anger, expressing it in unhealthy ways. Whatever your experience of anger, it matters that you understand the value and place of anger in your life.

At the core of our feelings of anger is the desire to protect something precious that is under threat. Anger is how we respond to real or perceived threats to our well-being or that of our loved ones. How we articulate our anger is where the problem might be, and not in the experience of anger itself.

We are beings who feel, with anger being one of those feelings. Anger is a diagnostic tool, one that lets you know that something in your world is out of joint and that you need to fix it. That’s a good thing, and so we ought to embrace the role anger plays in our lives. This sets us on the path to a healthy relationship with anger.

Don’t deny or disown it when you feel it

Being angry might feel uncomfortable, but instead of stuffing it down or pretending it doesn’t exist, it’s far better to see things for what they are and respond accordingly. Repressing or suppressing your anger is a bit like endlessly stuffing a laundry hamper with dirty clothes; eventually, it won’t be able to handle more and what’s in there will eventually spill over.

Anger that isn’t expressed appropriately can end up disrupting relationships, affect one’s thinking and behavior patterns, and create a variety of emotional and physical problems such as anxiety, depression, heart problems, chronic stress, and high blood pressure, to name a few.

Recognize where you may not be handling it well

It’s one thing to be angry, and quite another how you deal with that anger. Sometimes, the best way to deal with the offense is to overlook it, while at other needs the matter needs to be addressed by asserting your boundaries. This means that we require wisdom to know how best to rectify the situation our anger has alerted us to. Proverbs 19: 11 (NIV) reminds us that:

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”

Wisdom comes in recognizing our limits, and in being committed to growing as persons made in God’s image. There may be unhelpful ways in which you are responding to anger; recognizing those areas is a great start to moving toward constructive dealings with anger.

Pledge to learn your anger

Knowing yourself, particularly when it comes to your anger, is important in maturing your responses to aggravating circumstances. Have you ever taken the time to reflect on your anger?

This may include knowing your triggers, what it feels like when you’re starting to get angry, how you react when you’re angry, and the best ways to calm yourself down once your anger is set off. With professional help, it’s possible to figure out why certain things trigger you and to gather tools to deal appropriately with your anger. But it all starts with the willingness to learn your anger.

Learn how to express it well

To deal with anger effectively, it’s helpful to know how to express it well. Unexpressed anger doesn’t simply go away; it festers beneath the surface, and it will manifest in one unpleasant form or another. Anger that’s expressed as violence or in verbally abusive ways also does damage.

The way to handle anger is to express it – verbalize how you’re feeling, assert your boundaries, lay out your frustrations, or take action to remedy the situation. It’s possible to do this calmly, clearly, and without diminishing or attacking another person.

Find ways to keep anger in check

You can learn how to express your anger well when you can keep it in check. Then, you are in control of your anger and not the other way around. Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control”, reads Proverbs 25:28 (NIV).

When a city has no walls, you can’t control who and what comes and goes into and from the city. Similarly, when a person has no self-control, they can’t keep a hold of what they take in and what comes out of them.

Anger management tips to help gain self-control

When you’re angry but lack self-control, you can say and do things that will destroy your life. You can break relationships, offend your employer, estrange your loved ones, find yourself on the wrong side of the law, and so much else. There are several ways you can begin to gain control over your anger, including the following:

Take better care of your physical health

Get good sleep, as that will help you with emotional regulation, and limit your consumption of alcohol as that diminishes self-control. Regular exercise helps to elevate your mood, and it can help you reduce stress.

Improve your communication skills

It helps to know how to express yourself, just as learning how to listen better. Hearing other people out, asking questions to clarify, and avoiding making assumptions or jumping to conclusions can help you avoid getting angry unnecessarily, and it can help you know the other person’s concerns. Knowing the issues equips you to address them more effectively, which helps immensely with conflict resolution.

Know how to calm down

When you’re feeling angry, deep breathing can help you calm down. Other tools such as visualization can aid you in easing the symptoms that typically accompany anger, giving you room to respond calmly and rationally.

You can take simple actions such as going for a quick run, leaving the room to clear your head, squeezing a stress ball, humming a happy tune, or journaling to get outside of your head and calm yourself down.

Sometimes, to see past anger requires looking at the bigger picture. Sure, you could blow up at this person now and feel vindicated or justified, but beyond that lies the realization that you were unbelievably rude to the wait service, or you said hurtful things to your spouse and children, or you’ve landed yourself in hot water with your boss.

Give yourself space to think through the consequences of your actions, and hopefully, wisdom will prevail.

Get help to deal with your anger

Anger is a powerful emotion, one that can overwhelm our rational selves and lead us down strange paths. If your anger is out of control and causing your health or relational problems, you should address that for your own sake and that of the people around you.

Mental health professionals such as anger management counselors can walk with you to take your anger in hand and have it serve your purposes and well-being. Don’t give anger a foothold in your life; reach out to a counselor for help today.

“Rage”, Courtesy of Yogendra Singh,, CC0 License; “Rage”, Courtesy of Julien L.,, CC0 License; “Talk to the Hand”, Courtesy of Obie Fernandez,, CC0 License; “Reaching Out”, Courtesy of Youssef Naddam,, CC0 License


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