“I Don’t Feel Bonded to my Grandbaby”: Finding Family Support from a Christian Counselor

Bonding with your children was easy. You spent almost every waking moment with them for the first few months of their lives. They relied on you for everything from their financial needs to their nighttime cuddles. So why is it so hard to bond with their child? Isn’t the bond between grandparents and grandchild supposed to be as strong, maybe even stronger than the one with your own children?

While some grandparents feel an instant connection to their grandchildren, there are plenty of others who must grow into that role. Family dynamics, geographical distance, work schedules, health, and a host of other factors can interfere with that instant, amazing, and unbreakable bond between grandparents and grandchildren that is portrayed in the feel-good movie or fairytale.

Aging and Health Restrictions

Remember, when your children were little, you were much younger too. You had more energy and good health on your side. Taking care of them didn’t feel like the daunting task that babysitting may feel like now. Bonding was easy in those good old days. You could run after your child for a lively game of tag or sit on the floor to play blocks.

But nowadays, running looks more like a fast-paced shuffle, and you don’t dare get onto the floor for fear you might not get back up. Maturity and health can play a big part in how you interact with people, including your grandchild.

Physical Distance

Geographical distance is an obvious obstacle to bonding with your grandchild. If you live in a different area from your child and grandchild, you may have physical distance to blame for your lack of bonding. Connection comes from many shared moments, and not being in the same physical space as your grandchild can make having those special moments even more difficult.

Family Dynamics

You may also be dealing with a sticky family dynamic. As your children age into adulthood and get involved in the lives of their significant others, their significant others get involved in your relationship, too. If your son or daughter is married or involved with someone who is not your biggest fan, you may feel tension and the gradual distancing of your own child.

If you feel that tension exists, your child and their spouse are likely to feel it, too. And this could prevent them from embracing you as a grandparent to their child. While they may not even realize it on a conscious level, your child may be trying to avoid awkward interactions between you and their spouse or may simply be upholding their spouse’s wishes.

There’s Help There’s Hope

Speaking to a Christian counselor can help you determine how to proceed with your feelings, or lack of feelings, toward your new grandchild. While there may be some obvious obstacles to your bonding, such as physical distance or unresolved family issues, there may also be less obvious factors involved.

Maybe there is unresolved trauma in your own life that is preventing you from opening your heart. Maybe you have feelings of guilt over the lack of time you spent with your own child, and you’re hesitant to give that love that should be for them to another person. Or perhaps you are worried about your qualifications as a grandparent. If you feel like you failed as a parent, you may lack confidence in your ability to fulfill the role. Whatever the reason is for your lack of connection, a therapist can help you find the root and walk you through the trauma to find peace and joy.

Better yet, they can point you to the author of healing and joy. Where there is God, there is hope. Thankfully, you have an advocate and a guide who is your Heavenly Father. He can direct your paths, open doors you never thought would be available to you, and heal brokenness. He is a God of restoration and hope. Turn your feelings of aloofness, geographical distances, and strained relationships over to the Lord and watch Him work a miracle in your situation.

Just because you’ve become a grandparent doesn’t mean that you’re immediately bonded with your grandchild. Sometimes these connections come immediately, but often, they take time. Be available for your grandchild and their family, pray for them, and do your best to show the love of the Lord to them, despite circumstances. Look forward to seeing your beautiful relationship develop.

For more information or to meet with a Christian counselor, contact our office today.