Common Questions About Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same grace and understanding you would extend to a friend who is going through a tough time or feeling bad about him or herself. It is responding in a kind, validating, supportive way when you make a mistake or feel inadequate, instead of judging yourself harshly or belittling yourself for your shortcomings.

It is about accepting your weaknesses and failures as part of being human rather than letting them define you as worthless or unacceptable and observing negative and positive emotions from a realistic perspective. Dr. Kristin Neff summarizes these ideas as self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness.

The way you treat your own heart is the way you will end up treating everyone else’s. – John Eldridge

Are self-compassion and self-pity the same thing?

No, self-compassion and self-pity are not the same thing. Self-pity focuses on its own distress and ruminates on how bad things are. Self-compassion, on the other hand, recognizes that life is hard for everyone.

What is the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem?

Self-esteem is based on external factors such as your accomplishments and achievements, and how other people perceive you, which may lead you to try and hide perceived personal flaws. Self-compassion, on the other hand, is based on acknowledging your humanity and accepting yourself even in the face of setbacks and failures, without feeling a need to be defensive or try to justify yourself.

Is self-compassion biblical?

Self-compassion, as in recognizing and internalizing God’s compassion for you, aligns with biblical principles and fosters personal and spiritual growth. It acknowledges that we are all sinners living in a fallen, broken world; enables you to accept God’s saving grace; and motivates you to repent of your sins, learn from your mistakes, and extend His compassion and grace to others as well.

Without self-compassion, you distance yourself from God’s healing power, keep yourself from moving forward, and carry an additional burden you were never intended to bear. It can also lead to self-hatred, which is dishonoring to God who created you, loves you unconditionally, and to whom you have great value.

Whereas denial of self is biblical, self-deprecation is not. Constantly tearing yourself down instead of having self-compassion is like thinking you know better than God does, and rejecting the love, grace, and forgiveness He is extending to you because you don’t believe it can apply to you.

How can Christians practice self-compassion?

Acknowledge your identity as an imperfect human being who is both flawed and loved by the God who created you. He does not stop loving you when you make mistakes or things go wrong.

Recognize your critical thoughts and feelings as simply that – thoughts and feelings – and not the truth about who you are. Replace them with truths from God’s Word (the Bible).

Learn to see yourself through God’s eyes, rather than your own or anyone else’s. Look up verses in your Bible that tell you who God says you are and highlight them or write them out so you can keep reminding yourself of them.

Accept your failures and remind yourself that no one is perfect. They are an inevitable part of being human. We all fall short, make mistakes, have limitations, experience regrets and disappointments, and go through struggles and tough times, but these things do not define who you are. It is more often how we respond to these experiences that is most impactful and must be done through a lens of self-compassion.

Ask yourself how you would treat a struggling friend and treat yourself the same way. Be gentle, kind, and forgiving, and speak words of encouragement to yourself rather than harshly critical or judgmental ones.

What does the Bible say about self-compassion?

The Bible does not specifically mention the term “self-compassion.” However, it does contain several related passages that encourage kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and an appreciation for our value and worth, as God created us in His image for a special purpose and plan.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27, NIV

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10, NIV

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. – Psalm 139:14, ESV

Self-compassion enables you to accept the fact that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by God, who makes no mistakes, and that He loves and values you. Tearing yourself down and judging yourself as less worthy than anyone else is not a sign of humility, but dishonors Him and what He did when He created you.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, NIV

None of us can live a good enough life to justify ourselves, but God offers us grace through Jesus Christ and the assurance that He loves us just as we are. To reject that love by refusing to have self-compassion is like saying God made a mistake in your case and that you know yourself better than He does. He made no mistakes when He created you. It also leads to you carrying an extra burden that He never asked you to bear.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. … he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. – Psalm 103:8,10, NIV

Self-compassion is about seeing yourself the way God sees you, accepting yourself as flawed but loved, and understanding your need for His grace. Self-hatred, on the other hand, distorts the truth, keeps you focused on yourself and your inabilities, and discredits God’s love and forgiveness for you.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones. – Proverbs 16:24, NIV

Kind, encouraging words have the power to uplift and heal. Being gentle with yourself when you fall short, reminding yourself of your inherent worth as a child of God, and responding to your failures with self-compassion rather than merciless self-criticism, opens you up to the transforming power of God’s love and grace.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV

God is the ultimate source of compassion. He wants to comfort us during times of trouble and affliction. Self-compassion enables us to empathize with others going through the same struggles and comfort them with the same comfort we received.

Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. – Matthew 22:37-39, NIV

Self-compassion internalizes the truth that God loves you unconditionally, despite your failures and imperfections. It is what enables you to act as a conduit to minister His love to others. Without it, you have no love to offer your neighbor. You can’t pour something out of an empty cup.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. – Colossians 3:12, NIV

Jesus was always compassionate toward those who were suffering, and we are called to do the same. Self-compassion aligns with the exhortation in this verse and enables you to better extend these attributes to others.

If you need more information than what this article on self-compassion could provide, or would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, please don’t hesitate to give us a call.