7 Symptoms of Maladaptive Perfectionism and How to Overcome Them

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by striving to be flawless. It is often considered to be a desirable trait in our society. When not taken to the extreme, it can be a healthy motivator that helps you achieve your goals and feel successful and fulfilled.

This is known as adaptive perfectionism. You set high standards for yourself, strive for excellence, and put a lot of time and effort into achieving your goals, but you can be flexible and adjust them when necessary, and do not berate yourself if you fail to meet them.

Maladaptive perfectionism, on the other hand, is characterized by harsh self-criticism when you don’t meet your standards, ruminating over your mistakes, and excessive fear of failure, which can cause chronic stress and anxiety, chip away at your self-esteem, and erode your confidence.

When you set unrealistic standards, you’ll always fail. – Monique Williamson, LMFT

Both forms of perfectionism involve setting high standards. The key difference is what you say to yourself when those standards are not met. Adaptive perfectionists, for instance, are motivated to do things as well as possible, but can maintain a healthy balance between striving for excellence, recognizing when their work is good enough to be considered done, and practicing self-compassion when the end result doesn’t meet their expectations.

However, maladaptive perfectionists never feel satisfied, beat themselves up when they are unable to achieve their rigid, unrealistic goals, and are driven by an intense fear of failure and being judged, rather than by positive motivation to do a job well.

Effects Of Maladaptive Perfectionism

Perfection is self-destructive simply because there’s no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal. – Brené Brown

Maladaptive perfectionism influences the way you think, feel, and act, and can have a negative impact on every area of your life, including your physical and mental health, stress level, relationships, and overall well-being. Though it may manifest differently in different people, the following are some of the most common areas affected.

Physical health You tend to experience significant stress, which can result in physical symptoms such as muscle tension, unexplained aches and pains, digestive issues, and trouble sleeping.

Emotional health Fear of failure and judgment can lead to constant anxiety, which makes it difficult for you to relax and enjoy life. You may be prone to mood swings and have a short fuse when things do not go according to plan, or react the opposite way and try to cope by shutting down to avoid your distressing feelings, or seek escape through overeating, drugs, or alcohol.

Mental health Constant rumination of past mistakes and anxiety over possible future failures make it hard for you to focus on the present moment. Excessive worry about all the possibilities and about getting every detail right makes it difficult for you to make decisions, leading to indecisiveness and inaction.

Lack of work-life balance Your relentless pursuit of perfection leaves you with little or no time or energy for anything else – hobbies, relationships, or self-care.

Missed opportunities You may often miss out on opportunities and be hindered from advancing in your career due to fear of failure or not measuring up to others, holding you back from trying new things or exploring new possibilities in your personal or professional life.

Relationships Work takes priority, leaving little time or energy for forming meaningful connections with others. You may be physically present, but your mind tends to be distracted and elsewhere. You also worry that if you are yourself, you will be judged and found lacking, so you keep people at a distance and only show parts of yourself you think will be acceptable.

Signs And Symptoms of Maladaptive Perfectionism

Unattainable standards You constantly strive for perfection in everything you do, can’t accept anything less, and hold yourself to unreasonably high, often unattainable standards and goals you set for yourself that are impossible to achieve.

Fear of failure You have an intense fear of failure and feel driven to avoid mistakes and achieve perfection in every area of your daily life. When you fall short, you spiral into anxiety and shame.

Self-worth is dependent on achievements Your sense of self-worth is dependent on whether or not you do things perfectly, and you view mistakes as an indication that you are less than, a failure as a person, and can never measure up.

Avoidance of tasks due to fear of failure Fear of not being able to do something perfectly may be so strong that it stops you from even trying. You believe that if you can’t do it perfectly, it is better not to try doing it at all.

Lack of resilience You are so focused on achieving perfection and avoiding failure that there is little to no room for error, and you are unable to adapt to setbacks or cope with the ups and downs of life.

All or nothing thinking You tend to see things in extremes of black or white, without any middle ground of gray.

Catastrophizing You are quick to jump to conclusions and envision worst-case scenarios, even if they are unrealistic and unlikely to take place.

Practical Tips for Overcoming Maladaptive Perfectionism

Maladaptive perfectionism can be overcome with the help of practical self-help strategies and/or the assistance of a trained mental health professional. The journey is not about changing who you are, but about learning to use your perfectionist traits in ways that enhance your life and accomplishments rather than hinder them.

Learn to recognize and challenge maladaptive perfectionist thoughts Challenge your critical thoughts and look for more balanced, realistic perspectives to replace them with. Remind yourself that mistakes and imperfections are part of being human.

Challenge your fear of failure Accept failure as a normal part of life and an opportunity for growth. See your mistakes as learning experiences and stepping stones to success.

Practice being flexible and setting realistic goals Practice adjusting your expectations and being open to different outcomes. Instead of rigidly fixating on doing everything perfectly, focus on doing your best and allowing yourself to achieve a good enough result.

Break larger goals down into smaller, more manageable ones, celebrate small victories along the way, and accept that mistakes and setbacks are learning opportunities.

Have compassion for yourself Treat yourself kindly instead of being harshly critical in the face of failure. Interrupt the self-critical voice in your head and replace harsh statements with more realistic, positive ones. Tell yourself it’s okay if something isn’t perfect, acknowledge mistakes as part of being human, and celebrate any progress, even if it is not flawless.

Find ways to reduce stress and anxiety Practice stress-reducing coping techniques such as deep breathing and relaxation, and grounding exercises.

Prioritize self-care Establish and maintain a balanced lifestyle by prioritizing healthy eating, getting enough sleep, engaging in regular exercise, and making time for relaxation and activities you enjoy, and that recharge your energy.

Practice doing nothing Whether mindfulness or meditation, practice doing the opposite action of what your mind wants to do. Sit in silence, focusing on your breath or a worthiness statement, and don’t produce anything. Start with 10 seconds, then work your way up to a few minutes over time. It’s a wonderful way to challenge your thoughts and beliefs that say you have to earn worthiness by doing.

Consider counseling A trained mental health professional can help you identify and address what’s at the roots of your maladaptive perfectionism, as well as learn how to set achievable goals for yourself rather than improbable or impossible ones, shift your focus to what you did well rather than what you did wrong, and develop coping strategies to handle fear and stress in healthy ways.

Therapy For Maladaptive Perfectionism

There are several successful treatment modalities for treating maladaptive perfectionism, such as:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps you identify and challenge overly perfectionist thought patterns and replace them with more realistic ones
• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which focuses on having you confront thoughts and fears that cause you distress and learn new ways of responding to them
• Radically Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (RO DBT), which focuses on helping you develop openness, flexibility, and social connectedness.

If you recognize yourself in this article on maladaptive perfectionism, would like support to help you overcome it, and want to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at our location, please give us a call today.