What Is Friendship Abandonment?

Have you ever had a situation with a friend where you felt that something was different, but you could not put your finger on it? They just don’t act the same. After each interaction or declined invite, you are left asking yourself if you did something wrong.

Then, out of the blue, the communication ends or starts to trickle in, confirming your fear that something is indeed wrong. The friendship ends abruptly and, most times, without explanation. This is called friendship abandonment.

Abandonment can occur in all types of relationships. We have mostly been accustomed to the abandonment that happens to a child when they are young and how that affects their ability to relate to others as they grow. However, abandonment can also occur between friends, no matter the age. Who among us didn’t suffer the loss of a friend in high school and feel the void of that experience?

In adult friendships, abandonment from a friend can be a confusing situation to navigate, mainly because it is not talked about enough. A friendship takes time to build. It takes commitment, courage, energy, and resources. It is painful when a person is abandoned by a friend.

Reasons for Friendship Abandonment

No two situations are the same. Friendship abandonment occurs for a myriad of reasons. Exploring these may help you understand particular situations. Understanding the context and reasons the abandonment transpired is important for healing and moving on, even when the friend does not explain. Below are some reasons to consider:

Unintended Abandonment At certain times, friendship abandonment is not intentional. Certain life transitions and events beyond anyone’s control can make it difficult to sustain old friendships.

Events like relocation, getting married, having children, or finding a new job can mean priorities change, and hence friendships change, too. Unintended abandonment can also be a result of someone struggling with their problems, especially mental health issues, making them feel incapable of showing up as they used to.

Unresolved Conflict A friend can choose to withdraw as a result of unresolved conflict. If there is a disagreement or a hurt that was poorly addressed, it might leave the other party feeling like their only solution is to distance themselves.

Another scenario could be that the friend does not intend to resolve a point of conflict, so they withdraw as a way of not taking responsibility or being held accountable.

Boundary Setting Sometimes friendship abandonment happens because one person is setting a boundary. Just like romantic relationships, friendships can also be toxic. By moving away silently, seemingly with no explanation, that friend could be trying to safeguard themselves from an emotionally draining situation.

Envy & Jealousy It is possible for a good friendship to be ruined by feelings of jealousy and envy. When friendship is marred by competitiveness, resentment usually follows. This erodes the security of that relationship, causing one party to quietly disassociate.

Emotional Toll of Friendship Abandonment

Regardless of the reason, friendship abandonment can have grave consequences for the one who feels abandoned. The emotional turmoil that follows can be devastating, as the situation can sometimes leave them feeling blindsided and confused.

As a result, those who have experienced friendship abandonment may contend with the following:

Grief Being abandoned by a friend is a great loss, and with loss comes grief. Those who have lost friends might experience disenfranchised grief because this type of loss is rarely recognized, and hence people do not get the support they desperately need.

Because a person is grieving, they will go through all the stages of grief just as one who has lost someone to death. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. They will grieve because they are leaving behind shared memories, experiences, and a dear companion who was there for them through thick and thin.

Rejection The question one asks after being abandoned by a friend is whether they did something wrong. What is it about them that drove that friend to abandon them in that way? Were they not enough for them to have tried to work things out? These feelings of rejection can run deep and shatter a person’s self-esteem.

Anxiety & Depression Because friendship abandonment leads to feelings of rejection, this can cause people to struggle with anxiety. They do not trust themselves enough to form friendships that will last. When this abandonment is internalized, it can leave the person feeling depressed as there seems to be no recourse.

Loneliness & Trust Issues Friendship abandonment happens when someone has lost a close friend. This might be one person or a group of friends. Losing the friendship can result in a deep sense of loneliness as one starts to miss the safety and connections they had. The ability to trust others again is eroded by being abandoned by a friend. These trust issues, in turn, make it difficult to form other friendships, hence the loneliness.

How to Deal with Friendship Abandonment

Respect Their Decision As hard as this will be, it is important, first and foremost, to respect another’s decision to leave. It is hard, painful, and heartbreaking, but reaching acceptance quickly will help you to start your healing journey. Never force yourself on someone who has clarified that they do not want you in their life. the subsequent rejection will be too much to handle.

Honor Your Feelings You will grieve, be angry, feel betrayed, and experience a deep sense of loss, even if you knew the relationship was not healthy. Give yourself permission to feel and process all the conflicting emotions. It is helpful to journal or find someone you can be honest with and talk through your feelings.

Closure Most times, with friendship abandonment, there is no explanation. This is because people are not good with goodbyes. It is vital to accept the situation as it is, and their leaving is all the closure you need. As tempting as it is to try and get the other person to explain their decision, it is important to remember that healing cannot come from the ones who hurt us. it is an inside job.

Learn to Trust Again With friendship abandonment comes trust issues. It can be hard at first to put yourself out there and seek friendships with others. We heal and grow in community. Try to engage in activities that can foster new connections and the ability to build friendships with other people.

Introspection It will help to have an honest, non-judgmental look at your friendship to see where you could have done things differently. In the same breath, it is important not to personalize the situation if you know you were not at fault. As explained earlier, sometimes friendships just drift apart unintentionally.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk It is easy to be critical toward oneself at the end of any relationship. This is not the same as taking responsibility. Negative self-talk wishes to convince you that you are not worthy of love; this needs to be challenged.

Practice Self-Care Because you have experienced deep loss, it is important to practice self-care. Be gentle with yourself, seek to do those things that fulfill you, and find activities to help distract you from the loss. Surround yourself with people who love you as you heal and try to move on.

Your mental and emotional health may be disturbed as a result of this loss. Be vigilant with sleep, hygiene, exercise, and healthy eating habits. If need be, please seek professional help.

Reach Out for Support

Experiencing friendship abandonment can be a lonely and confusing experience. If you want to make sense of what you are experiencing and need guidance on how to heal, please contact us for support. You will be paired with a qualified Therapist or Counselor who will offer personalized guidance and tools for healing.