The Do’s and Don’ts of Growing in Empathy

Empathy, the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, is often described as “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.” While this saying may be used lightly in conversation or as a teaching tool, truly embodying empathy can profoundly impact our lives and relationships.

Like any muscle, empathy requires regular exercise and strengthening. By actively engaging in practices that foster understanding and connection, you can develop your empathetic capacity and reap its numerous benefits.

Understanding Empathy

Empathy goes beyond simple sympathy or feeling sorry for someone. It involves actively trying to see the world from another person’s perspective, understanding their emotions, and experiencing their feelings as if they were yours. This requires an open mind, a willingness to listen, and a genuine desire to connect with others on a deeper level.

Benefits of Empathy

Cultivating empathy can have a transformative effect on our personal and professional lives. Some of the key benefits include:

Stronger Relationships Empathy fosters trust, intimacy, and connection in your relationships. By understanding and validating the feelings of others, you create a safe space for open communication and mutual support.

Improved Communication When you approach conversations empathetically, you are more likely to listen actively, respond thoughtfully, and avoid misunderstandings. This leads to more effective and fulfilling communication.

Reduced Conflict Empathy allows you to see situations from multiple perspectives and find common ground, even in disagreements. This can help de-escalate conflicts and find mutually agreeable solutions.

Greater Compassion Understanding the experiences and struggles of others can help one develop a greater sense of compassion and be more likely to act with kindness and generosity.

Enhanced Self-Awareness Practicing empathy requires you to reflect on your weaknesses and value the input of others.

Who needs empathy?

For those who seek to live by the Golden Rule, everyone needs empathy. The ability to love others as we love ourselves takes a willingness to see the needs of others as being of equal value to our own.

The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. – Romans 13:9-10, NIV

You can start finding those who need empathy by thinking about your needs and how helpful it is when other people notice. When you realize that you benefited from the empathy and kindness of others, you become open to doing the same for other people.

It can be tempting to think you have just pulled yourself up by your bootstraps, but it is never true. People have given you help and tools along the way. Their willingness to make space for you and your needs is the foundation of understanding empathy.

Once you realize you have been helped, you can turn a helpful eye toward others. What are the struggles of the new hires in your company? Has a new neighbor moved in, and would likely benefit from an overture of friendship? Is there an area of your town or city you avoid? Open your eyes to the people you interact with every day, and you will likely see that they have needs that you can meet.

How to Build Empathy

Cultivating empathy starts with opening your heart and mind to the people around you. There are different ways to do this.

Reading Find new writers to follow online or read books by people who come from different backgrounds and perspectives. Read nonfiction books about specific topics. poverty, racism, classism, or the history of a specific area of interest.

Fiction books by writers of a different racial background from yourself, translated works from other countries, and works from different periods of history are all excellent ways to exercise the muscle of empathy.

Social Media Rather than have an echo chamber of your own opinions reflected to you, follow a variety of people to learn and engage with new ideas.

Enter social media looking for kindness, and avoid being a keyboard warrior who immediately criticizes whatever is happening on the internet. Remember that the people on the other side of the screen are human beings, and being mean on the internet may be easy, but it is never right.

Entertainment From the movies you watch to the music you stream, to the shows and concerts you attend, you have a chance to feel empathy. All of these mediums of entertainment are intended to provoke an emotional response of some kind. You can explore what it was about certain stories or lyrics that helped you with your feelings.

Your family The people you are most intimate with may sometimes seem to be the hardest to understand. Yet, these relationships will benefit the most from your willingness to practice empathy. Such practices can go a long way in preventing quarrels and misunderstandings. Coming home to cold shoulders and nasty words is the last thing anyone wants when they have had a hard day.

The Don’ts of Empathy

Don’t presume to know what someone is feeling or needs Ask questions to help you understand what is happening, and wait for some concrete evidence rather than jumping in with your assumptions.

Don’t jump straight to telling your own story When you are trying to show empathy for your friend, neighbor, or coworker’s challenges, you need to let them process without worrying about your experiences.

Don’t be nosy or a gossip When you become privy to the challenges of someone’s life, that is a chance to be trustworthy. Let others decide how much information to share and when to share it. Remember what is and what is not your story to tell.

The Do’s of Empathy

Do your best to practice active listening This involves asking questions and repeating back what people say to make sure you understand.

Do respect the requests of others Sometimes, people will be specific in the ways your empathy can help. Other times, you will need to respect the need for silence and space.

Do set boundaries for yourself There are people who will take advantage of any display of compassion, and you will need to learn when you need to rest and when you can jump in. Knowing your limits and strengths will help you discern between empathy and a toxic relationship.

Do forgive yourself for missteps You will not be able to display empathy perfectly all the time, and when you make mistakes, own up to it and move on.

Do keep the door open to new ideas, conversations, and opportunities to grow.

Counseling, Mental Health, and Empathy

If you struggle with empathy, there can be many underlying reasons. Any kind of burnout or mental health crisis can drain you of empathy. If you have been under stress and are going through a loss of some kind, you likely need to be on the receiving end of empathy and feel unable to show empathy to others. A counselor can provide the empathy you need to go through the challenges, especially if you need to care for others during stress.

Individuals diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, and other mental health conditions often face challenges with empathy, both in understanding and expressing it. These challenges can manifest in various ways, such as difficulty reading social cues, misunderstanding emotional expressions, or struggling to connect with others on an emotional level.

A qualified mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, specializing in these conditions, can offer invaluable support and guidance. Individuals can develop strategies to enhance their empathetic abilities through various therapeutic techniques. These strategies may involve learning to recognize and interpret nonverbal cues, practicing active listening, and developing a greater awareness of their own and others’ emotions.

If you are interested in learning more about enhancing your empathetic skills or need it for yourself, contact our office today to set up an appointment with a counselor.