Temper Tantrums or Anger? Anger Issues in Children

Most parents have experienced the dreaded temper tantrum. That moment when your young child does not get their way and suffers a meltdown, typically in a busy store or another public place. For first-time parents, this can be a shock. Your seemingly lovely child is throwing a fit – hitting, kicking, throwing things, and screaming at the top of their lungs.

The good news is that tantrums tend to pass and lessen as the child grows and learns to control their feelings. But what if the frustrated child turns their anger inward, and their emotions seem uncontrollable? What if they do not outgrow these anger issues?

Anger issues in children can stem from other mental health conditions, but you can help your child learn to manage their feelings and behaviors.

The Difference Between Tantrums and Anger Issues

Temper tantrums are common in children up to about age five. Due to their limited vocabulary and social skills, they might become frustrated trying to communicate. By the time the child is five, they are typically in a school or other social environment. At this age, they should communicate their needs and feelings without the need for a tantrum.

However, anger issues are chronic and can last well past childhood. It usually consists of more than just screaming and throwing themselves onto the floor in a meltdown. True anger disrupts the home life. It causes property damage, inside and outside the home. Teachers and school administration will report the behavior to you, and your child may face suspension or even expulsion for their conduct.

These behaviors go beyond the crankiness a child will feel when tired or hungry. Your child’s angry behavior can make them a danger to others. They may lose friends or no longer be invited to parties or social get-togethers with their classmates. Other parents view the child as difficult or out of control.

If anger issues are not addressed, they will only escalate. As the child grows, the new emotions that emerge with puberty intensify the underlying anger. This can lead to more violent outbursts, fights, and even criminal behaviors. At this stage, getting professional help would benefit the child before they reach adulthood.

The Causes of Anger Issues in Children

Children can express other emotions in the form of anger. For example, a child may be sad because their parents are constantly arguing or have recently lost a close grandparent. They may turn this sadness inward until it reaches a feverish pitch and displays outwardly as anger.

Other emotions underlying an anger outburst include embarrassment, humiliation, jealousy, grief, fear, worry, frustration, guilt, disappointment, and hurt. These emotions result in anger and a reaction. It may be that the child throws things, screams or shouts obscenities, or hits and kicks others. In some cases, this anger turns the child into a bully.

This reaction disrupts personal relationships. It is difficult for a child with anger issues to keep friendships, as their outbursts and violent reactions can start physical fights between friends and classmates. Their school life is also challenging as they have more confrontations with other students and teachers.

Unfortunately, some teachers may label your child as disruptive, and this label can follow them through until graduation. Labels can hurt a child just as much as verbal name-calling.

The child might be disruptive at home, terrorizing younger siblings and fighting with older ones. These outbursts might be misinterpreted by parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles as disrespect. The child is punished for their behavior, creating hard feelings and more anger. It is a vicious cycle with your child at the center.

What You Can Do to Help

What can you do to help your child with their anger? To start, make your child aware of their feelings. If your child is younger, create a visual aid with faces to help them identify when they are feeling sad, hurt, afraid, or worried. Do not forget to add the emotion of happiness to the chart. It is easy to focus on the emotions that underlie anger, but your child should feel happy at times, too.

Speak to your older child about their feelings and help them to understand that their anger stems from something – an emotion or a thought. Help them to delve into this more closely. If they are not willing to work with you, it may be time to ask for assistance from a counselor or psychologist.

Learn about anger management skills and how to adapt them to fit your child’s appropriate age level. For younger children, you can use devices that allow them to safely express their anger, such as bubble wrap, play-dough, or slime; items that are not easily destroyed but can take the aggression.

Older children might find journaling helpful in expressing their thoughts. Teach children with more physical energy to expend that anger on a punching bag or a trampoline. Sometimes, just taking a run through the neighborhood is enough to get control of their thoughts and emotions again.

If at home, create a sanctuary for your child – a calming place where they can pause and breathe. Depending on your child’s age, this can be a corner of a quiet room set up with blankets or a bean bag chair, complete with books, paper, and crayons.

This calming place can be a walk-in closet or the end of the hallway. Anywhere that allows your child to calm down long enough to think things through before reacting to their emotions. Some children prefer escaping into a funny movie or television show for a while, the humor replacing anger.

A child can funnel their anger into creative endeavors. Writing, painting, sculpting, or playing an instrument allows an expression of the anger, making it into a tangible object, which can help move the anger from the child’s mind outward.

Treatments for Anger Issues

Symptoms from other mental health disorders in children can include irritability and anger. Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and depression are only two conditions with chronic anger outbursts as symptoms.

Anger issues can coexist with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, and disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, among others. Only a mental health professional can diagnose the condition underlying anger.

Four common treatments for anger in children are talk therapy, play therapy, art therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Play and art therapy are used with young children who may not articulate well enough in talk therapy. A therapist allows the child to express themselves while playing with toys or drawing and painting on paper. Sometimes the child will explain thoughts audibly while in play, or their actions will express their emotions.

Talk therapy is another beneficial treatment and can be done in individual sessions (for older teens), family sessions, or group therapy. Teens may appreciate the group therapy session as they can identify with others their age dealing with the same emotions. It is also a safe environment for sharing.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is commonly used for mental health disorders because it can be personalized. When a child suddenly feels angry, it is usually triggered by a thought, an action, or the environment.

CBT helps the child identify the trigger and recognize the resulting thoughts and feelings. The Bible states, “We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NLT)

Once the child has “caught” these thoughts and emotions, they can choose how to react. A therapist can walk them through some everyday scenarios and help them develop a management plan on how they should respond.

Next Steps

Angry outbursts can become scary as your child grows into a teen. Contact a faith-based therapist today if you are concerned about your child’s anger. A mental health professional can work with the family to coordinate a management plan with Biblical principles to overcome anger issues and get to the root of the emotion.