Is There a Connection Between Perfectionism and Anxiety?

Perfectionism can be defined as an unhealthy attempt to portray oneself as flawless. It’s characterized by having unrealistic standards and an overly critical evaluation of oneself. Perfectionism is often rooted in a fear of failure, being viewed as incompetent, or being judged harshly for shortcomings.

Perfectionism is often fueled by anxiety or self-esteem issues, while the pursuit of excellence is fueled by a deep sense of satisfaction in one’s work. The life of a perfectionist is often marked by fear and extreme caution, lacking creativity, joy, and inspiration (Kelly, 2015).

How does one become a perfectionist?

Perfection is usually a self-esteem issue that is rooted in a desire for acceptance and a fear of rejection. It may show up as fear of how others perceive you and being viewed as less than. It can also develop as a result of the conditional acceptance that was given to you by a primary caregiver.

In other words, you were only seen or valued when you did something worthy of praise. Perfectionism can also develop by having overly controlling parents, affectionless parents, or an abusive past.

The Link Between Perfectionism and Anxiety

Perfectionists tend to hold themselves to an unrealistic and unattainable standard, which produces thoughts of self-doubt, fear of failure, and chronic worry. When a person doesn’t meet their own expectations, anxiety floods in. As a result, they may develop physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety.

In fact, people who have been diagnosed with anxiety tend to display more perfectionist traits than the average person. This can be explained by the perfectionism-anxiety cycle – an endless feedback loop of lowered self-esteem and setting higher goals to do better. An example of this is:

You may feel anxious about not being good enough, which leads you to set unrealistic and unattainable goals. When you fall short of meeting your goals, you become hypercritical of yourself and begin to judge yourself harshly, which leads to lowered self-esteem and an increase in anxiety. You then begin to set higher goals, which perpetuates the never-ending cycle of perfectionism.

Perfectionism Versus the Pursuit of Excellence

Perfectionism is inwardly focused, and your sense of self-worth is based on your accomplishments. It is driven by a need to prove yourself, and you interpret anything short of perfection as a sign of worthlessness. The pursuit of excellence differs because it is outwardly focused and strives to honor God and benefit others, even if your efforts are not perfect.

What does the Bible have to say?

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. – Romans 3:23-24, NIV

Only God is perfect. Perfection cannot be achieved through our own efforts because we all fall short. When we put our trust in Jesus, He forgives our sins and shortcomings, and in God’s eyes, we are made perfect through our union with Jesus by faith.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30, NIV

Jesus tells us to find rest and completeness in Him, instead of striving to achieve impossible standards.

“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” – Isaiah 40:29, NIV

“For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been bought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.” – Colossians 2:9-10, NIV

Perfection is self-focused. It doesn’t give room for focus on God or others. It is motivated by pride, fear, and the need for approval.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

Whatever you do, work at it with your whole heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. – Colossians 3:23, NIV

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV

God desires that we be free of the paralysis of perfection, for we are not given a spirit of fear. He calls us to be faithful, not perfect. We are to honor Him with our best efforts while trusting Him for the outcome.

How to Break the Cycle of Perfectionism

Learn to be mindful Being aware of your expectations and reactions can help you stay in the present moment and reduce their effect by challenging negative self-criticism and replacing it with self-talk that is compassionate.

Practice imperfection Spend time doing things that are not goal-oriented and that you do not have to be good at. Try something new and out of your comfort-zone.

Let go of comparison Avoid comparing yourself to others and accept that you are a work in progress (Galatians 6:3-4, Romans 12:2, Philippians 3:12). Focus on doing your best even if it’s not perfect and accept your mistakes and failures as something you can learn and grow from.

Recognize the lies and replace them with truths from God’s Word Perfectionism is based on the lie that you have to be perfect to be loved or valued. God’s love is not contingent on your performance (2 Corinthians 12:9). Mistakes or shortcomings do not diminish your worth in His eyes (Romans 8:1).

Remind yourself of the truth that you are fully loved right now, just as you are (Romans 5:8, Titus 3:4-5, Ephesians 2:4-5). Your worth does not come from how much you can do for Him or how perfectly you follow Him, it’s simply found in being His child.

Practice being still and resting in God’s grace Perfectionism keeps you in a constant cycle of striving to do more and be more. It’s like being on a treadmill where you are running as fast as you can but not getting anywhere. God invites you to step off of it and rest in His grace (Matthew 11:28, 2 Corinthians 12:9). Be intentional about practicing moments of stillness throughout your day where you rest in His presence without feeling guilty about doing so.

Let go of your need to be in control Practice letting go of your need to be in control of every detail of your life and trying to force things to happen your way. Instead, seek God’s help and trust in His timing and plan (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Choose joy over perfection Instead of focusing on doing everything perfectly, choose to rest in God’s grace and enjoy His unconditional love for you (Ephesians 2:8, Romans 8:39). You do not have to be perfect to be worthy of His grace. He gives it to you freely despite your imperfections or shortcomings (Ephesians 2:8-9).

Take one step at a time Letting go of perfectionism is a journey of growth and transformation, with each small step drawing you closer to the freedom God offers. As you learn to trust Him and focus on the step in front of you, He will supply everything you need (2 Corinthians 9:8).

Seek professional help Although the Bible does not specifically mention modern terms such as therapy or counseling, it does encourage us to seek guidance and support when facing difficult times (Psalm 34:4-5, Proverbs 2:6, Proverbs 19:20, Isaiah 41:10, 2 Timothy 3:16).

If you resonate with perfectionism and are struggling with the perfectionism-anxiety cycle, please set up an appointment with one of our faith-based counselors and give us a call today. We would love to partner alongside you as you get to the root of your perfectionist tendencies and develop new behaviors.