As beautiful as relationships can be, it takes a lot of work to sustain them and make them into spaces that are nurturing and flourishing. Relationships can be difficult, especially when our emotions are involved. Understanding our own emotions and the emotions of others is a valuable life skill and necessary for healthy relationships.
At the heart of happy and thriving relationships lies one key attribute: emotional intelligence. But what exactly is emotional intelligence, and how can it make such a huge difference in our relationships? This article will attempt to answer these questions and offer practical ways to develop your emotional intelligence for your well-being and the sake of your relationships.
Emotional intelligence? What’s that?
Emotional intelligence, often known as your emotional quotient or EQ, is a trait that’s just as important, if not more important, than your intelligence in other areas of life. It encompasses your ability to not only recognize emotions in yourself and other people but also the ability to understand those emotions and be able to use that understanding to guide your thoughts and behavior.
This ability allows you to manage your emotions constructively to relieve stress, clearly communicate your feelings, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and diffuse conflict when it arises. Your EQ helps you to do all this by connecting you to your feelings, allowing you to make good and informed decisions.
EQ is important because it’s possible to be brilliant academically, and yet be socially inept and unable to handle interpersonal relationships and their complexity. This can result in unhealthy relationships both at work and at home, which can undermine success in both areas. Your EQ helps you to manage various situations, including your own complex emotional life.
A person’s emotional intelligence includes 4 key aspects. The first is self-awareness, which is the ability to recognize and name your own emotions and be aware of how those emotions affect the way you think and act. Being self-aware includes knowing your weaknesses and strengths.
The second component of EQ is self-regulation or self-management which refers to the ability to manage your feelings in healthy ways, control impulsive behaviors, and respond appropriately to various situations. It often involves following through on any commitments, taking initiative, and adapting to changing circumstances.
The third aspect of EQ is social awareness, which refers to recognizing and understanding the emotions, concerns, and needs of others. When you’re socially aware, you can exercise empathy, which means you’re able to pick up on emotional and social cues, and you are aware of the dynamics in social situations.
Lastly, EQ is about relationship management, which refers to your ability to interact effectively with others, develop and maintain healthy relationships, communicate your needs clearly, and influence and inspire others. It also includes working well in teams and managing conflicts constructively.
By mastering these four pillars, you can develop the skills needed to cultivate healthy, effective relationships, and navigate the challenges that often arise.
Examples of emotional intelligence in relationships
To better understand emotional intelligence, let’s explore what it might look like in everyday situations. Emotional intelligence might look like empathizing with a loved one when he/she is going through a tough time by recognizing what they’re feeling, offering support, and truly showing them that you understand what they’re going through.
Emotional intelligence can also look like managing your conflict and disagreements by remaining calm, expressing yourself clearly and assertively while remaining open to feedback, being respectful, and seeking solutions that work for both parties. Being emotionally intelligent also includes listening well to others by giving them your full attention so that you can understand another’s perspective while validating their emotions.
Other examples of emotional intelligence include:
Adaptability
EQ is being willing and able to adjust your plans, make compromises, and work out mutually agreeable solutions.
Self-awareness
This means recognizing your emotions and triggers, being responsible for your actions, and apologizing when needed.
Emotional regulation
Being able to handle your emotions, remaining calm in difficult situations, and responding thoughtfully in those hard moments instead of reactively.
Support and encouragement
Being supportive and encouraging to loved ones, celebrating others’ successes, and offering comfort during difficult times.
Apologizing and forgiving
EQ leads a person to take responsibility for mistakes that they’ve made and apologize sincerely. Exercising EQ also looks like forgiving each other for past hurts you may have caused each other.
These ways of relating to others in relationships will have a positive effect on the quality of those relationships.
How emotional intelligence benefits relationships
The examples above of emotional intelligence can help strengthen relationships by fostering trust and nurturing a loving and supportive environment. It also improves communication, cultivates deeper empathy and mutual understanding, and equips you with tools to resolve problems and conflicts effectively, reducing relational stress and tension.
In emotionally intelligent relationships, emotional validation and support are present, which makes one feel seen and heard. Such a supportive environment allows for personal growth and development because room is created for such growth, which leads to people becoming better versions of themselves.
Cultivating emotional intelligence helps create a more supportive, understanding, and loving relationship, leading to a stronger and more resilient bond with deeper intimacy and satisfaction. Emotional intelligence in relationships can help you set strong foundations for your relationships that will last a long time.
Growing your emotional intelligence
In line with the 4 key attributes of emotional intelligence, developing your emotional intelligence will involve improving your skills in those four main areas of self-management, self-awareness, social awareness, and healthy management of your relationships. Cultivating emotional intelligence takes time, concerted effort, and practice.
Some of the ways to develop your emotional intelligence include:
Meaningful self-reflection
Through journaling and pausing to take time to understand your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you can identify your strengths and weaknesses, and any areas to target for growth. You can also grow your vocabulary to help identify and describe your emotions, so that you better understand and can describe your emotional state.
Mindfulness and deep breathing
Being mindful and grounded in the present, as well as using deep breathing techniques can help you nurture your self-awareness and ability to regulate your emotions. Other ways to self-regulate include knowing when to take breaks, setting aside time to exercise, and journaling, which can help you identify unhelpful triggers.
Cultivate empathy
Practice the mental exercise of putting yourself in others’ shoes to understand their perspectives, thoughts, motivations, and emotions.
Grow your communication skills
Active listening takes time to acquire and cultivate. Develop a curiosity about others by asking open-ended questions and asking clarifying questions. Learn to talk explicitly about expectations so that you’re communicating on the same page.
Conflict resolution
When you approach conflict, it’s more constructive to learn to focus on solutions rather than apportioning blame.
Try new things
Trying new things and experiences challenges you to nurture your emotional resilience and ability to adapt. You can also learn from reading informed blogs, books, articles, and other online resources to develop your understanding of emotional intelligence.
Don’t shy away from feedback
Seek out feedback from others. Talk to loved ones or a mentor to give you constructive feedback on your emotional intelligence and how you handle difficult situations.
Seek professional help
With the help of a professional like a counselor, you can improve your emotional intelligence, identify any areas that could use growth, and nurture any areas of strength.
Growing your emotional intelligence is a process that will require you to be kind, patient, and compassionate with yourself. With consistent effort, you can become an emotionally intelligent person whose demeanor benefits those around you. If you would like to develop your EQ with the help of a professional, give our office a call today and schedule your first risk-free appointment.
